Where Life Begins

Friday morning I looked in the mirror, I loved who I saw, I smiled...and took a selfie. It’s been awhile since I’ve liked the girl I’ve seen in the mirror.  As I was putting moisturizer on my face, the Lord was showing me just how far I’ve come. You’re healthy and it’s visible. That’s what the Lord was speaking over me. Sure I still have my struggles...but I’m HEALTHY and I love the girl I see in the mirror! Question...do you believe the health of our mind and body is rooted to the health of our spirit? I do! Can hair being fixed, teeth brushed, legs shaved, weight lost, vitamins taken, face cared for be a sign of inward healing? I believe so! In seasons my spirit has wandered, my soul has carried heavy burdens, and it has shown physically and not just in my body weight. BUT the moment I’d seek God spiritually, He’d lift my burdens mentally, and I’d find myself losing that weight physically. The Bible says: Now, may the God of peace and harmony set you apart, making you completely ...

Looking at my daughter, her fighting back the tears, instantly I thought...like mother, like daughter. Do you ever pray...Lord, don’t let my child have that part of me? I found myself praying that over my daughter the morning of her birthday. With that prayer...God revealed some truths. The day after her birthday she had her first day of gymnastics. I could tell she was nervous as she walked to the mat for the very first time. There she was with a really big smile on her face stretching with the rest of the girls. Then it was time...time to do the hand stand. She stood there hesitant...tears welling up in her eyes. Her body language showed fear. I remember as a little girl, my mom signed me up for dance...I wasn’t having it.  What I remember that one day: sitting near the wall, crying, and thinking—no way am I getting on that dance floor! And I didn’t...fear stopped me. As I videoed, I questioned if she’d be like her me? Would fear of being hurt stop her? Would she press through? S...

I asked my husband to leave...again. So this morning I had to humble myself, go find my husband, apologize, and invite him back home. If I told you why I asked him to leave...you’d probably roll your eyes and say—really Sarah?!? There are legit reasons I have the fears and issues that I do. At 18, right out of high school, I went into a relationship with a 30 something drug addict who lied. Maybe he loved me, maybe not...either way it wasn’t healthy. At 23, desperate to be married with children, I went into a 15 year marriage with someone I really didn’t know. He made me a mom of four but our marriage was full of betrayal and lies. At 39, crushed after divorce, I left one toxic marriage only to quickly enter another toxic marriage full of addiction, abuse, and more lies. I believed that God would turn it all around...but God didn’t. It was a Thursday I came to his house, finding him drunk in the garden, so I left, never to return. Now 43, married to my third husband, I struggle with tr...

I didn’t look away. Apparently I have a habit of looking away when my husband tells me I’m beautiful, but today I didn’t and my husband noted that growth. So why am I sharing this?  Because the Lord told me to start writing again but I can’t seem to be transparent as I once was. So much has changed...I have changed. What use to be so easy has become so hard. I feel kind of like Moses. He felt confident with his first attempt to save and help his people when he first killed that Egyptian on his own prideful impulse. But 40 years later, as a run away fugitive in the desert, vulnerable in humility, he wasn’t too sure how God could use him now. A lot had changed for him too. Moses questioned with “what if”. Then Moses answered, “What if the people of Israel do not believe me or listen to me? What if they say, ‘The Lord did not appear to you’?” Exodus‬ ‭4:1‬ ‭ICB‬‬ I question with the same “what if’s” that are rooted in fear. I know God wants to use my voice. He wants me to write. He wa...

What Feels Like the End is often the Beginning. Have you ever asked God to break the ground?  On my worship walk the song SPIRIT LEAD ME came on.  All I could do was shout hallelujah at the top of my lungs over and over as God’s crisp air blew on my face.  I’ve lived decades bound to routine fellowship with God so now to be walking freely in His grace led by His Spirit there’s no words to describe that feeling. When they sang—my life is an alter let your fire fall...I immediately fell on my knees on the old dirt path. A path I walk often. It was just me and God. You see I don’t want God to consume me just one day a week but I desire that consuming fire every second of every day. Since 2014 God has been breaking the ground of my heart. He’s been positioning my heart towards Him and Him alone. Not towards going to church, reading my Bible, being a Good Samaritan, but positioned to loving Him with all my heart.  Loving Him most.  And I can honestly write this ...

So I’m just going to put this out there in hopes it brings perspective, discernment, and wisdom as we expose how the enemy invites us to seek Pinterest instead of God. Yes, you read that correctly. This past weekend I was ready to ask my husband to leave...not because I had sought God but because I had sought Pinterest and its many signs and post this past month for answers. Here’s the thing...not one post could really relate to what’s truly going on in my marriage, my husband, or me but boy how the devil can twist, lie, and convince you otherwise. Let’s back up. My husband has been struggling...physically, emotionally, spiritually. It’s no secret he will tell you. He knows he’s in a spiritual battle that can’t be won carnally. Then there’s me...Holy Spirit Jr. that wants to take it personally and try to fix everything for him as I’m still recovering from co-dependency and my own junk. The devil knows this. Here’s the thing...I can’t stop his chronic pain, I can’t force his ex wife to ...

I’m sure everyone sees something completely different when they look out and see it has snowed in Texas. For some it’s just another snow day, for others it’s a wonder as they feel the snow for the first time, and for many a childlike joy rushes through their veins because snow days have been so far and in between. Snow days can be a lot like our Christian walk. There’s that wonder when Jesus’ blood washes over you for the very first time as it leaves you free and white as snow. There’s that childlike joy that abounds when you see the redemption in the most darkest, driest seasons that produces a harvest of new things to come in God. And then there’s that place the devil hopes we dwell when salvation just becomes another day where we have become complacent in a lukewarm faith. This snow day has filled me with childlike joy as I looked out and saw the blankets of redemption that cover our farm...a redeemed marriage, home, job, and relationship with God. A redeemed season. How about you.....

We have a farm cat that doesn’t prefer to eat mice but she enjoys playing a good game of cat and mouse with the field mice. Today on my walk, I spotted Miss Kitty in the field with her paw on a mouse’s tail. She’d slowly lift her paw, giving the poor mouse hope of freedom, only to quickly pounce on it as it tried to escape and hide. This went on for a bit, until finally just like Tom & Jerry, our farm pup entered the game and the mouse was free at last. As I watched, I could relate to this game of cat and mouse, because is this not the same game Satan plays with us? His constant pursuit through the flesh, his near captures through emotions, and our repeated escapes. He has pursued me through seasons of fornication, addiction, adultery, emotional & physical abuse, suicidal thoughts, depression and divorces...in these pursuits he has nearly captured me through my emotions as I sought escape. My emotions (shame, guilt, fear, embarrassment, stress, overwhelmed, confused, hatred, bi...