Where Life Begins

Conviction is not meant to shame you but change you. That’s the most powerful thing I’ve heard this week. Sunday I laid on the couch watching sermons online with Jeremy. It was a hard day. Jeremy was in pain with a pinched nerve in his back and as I told my husband...I’m battling with a spirit of funk. I’ve been battling this spirit for some time...as if it’s pinning me down. Today I can see that it’s rooted to shame. Shame is wanting to hold me back from moving forward in the plans God has for me. As I wrote my last post on how I didn’t have a very good opinion of my husband, it took me to a place of reflecting on myself. I don’t have a very good opinion of myself. God began to reveal my shame I have from being married not once, not twice, but three times. That was never part of my plan...at 17 I never saw myself being married 3 times. I wanted the fairytale...the miracle. I know the prayers I prayed since I was a teen, into my first marriage, into my second marriage, and even now in ...

It’s so much easier to judge than to engage...to engage takes the Holy Spirit and a willingness to look beyond the past in order to see the heart and soul of the present man. I didn’t have a very good first opinion of my husband. It was easy to judge him off his drug addiction and prison sentence...and of course his ex wife had given me an ear full of the kind of husband he had been. When she pointed him out to me at a community Kingdom Movement in January, I shook my head with judgement as he helped set up the chairs for worship. Come to find out we also attended the same church as well so I’d began to notice him in passing. It was on a Sunday the Spirit led me to lay my hands on him. I don’t remember many prayers but this one has always been highlighted in my soul. There was an evil presence that was hanging on to Jeremy and not letting go. I began to rebuke it as he began to cry. I demanded that spirit to GO once and for all in Jesus’ name. After church a sweet elderly woman came up...