I Never Saw Myself Being Married Three Times

Conviction is not meant to shame you but change you.

That’s the most powerful thing I’ve heard this week.

Sunday I laid on the couch watching sermons online with Jeremy.

It was a hard day.

Jeremy was in pain with a pinched nerve in his back and as I told my husband...I’m battling with a spirit of funk.

I’ve been battling this spirit for some time...as if it’s pinning me down.

Today I can see that it’s rooted to shame.

Shame is wanting to hold me back from moving forward in the plans God has for me.

As I wrote my last post on how I didn’t have a very good opinion of my husband, it took me to a place of reflecting on myself.

I don’t have a very good opinion of myself.

God began to reveal my shame I have from being married not once, not twice, but three times.

That was never part of my plan...at 17 I never saw myself being married 3 times.

I wanted the fairytale...the miracle.

I know the prayers I prayed since I was a teen, into my first marriage, into my second marriage, and even now in my third marriage.

I know the bold belief and faith I had that God was going to do a miracle in my first marriage, then in my second marriage...and it didn’t happen.

So here I am, questioning my worth, the power of my prayers, asking God “why”.

But I know the why—change.

It was in the crushing of these marriages I began to change...I began to press into who God really is to me.

To really understand the greatest miracle.

John said God didn’t send Jesus to condemn the world but to save it...and Isaiah said to forget the past because God makes all things new.

It was in the crushing I was humbled and broke free from a spirit of religion.

It was in the crushing I cultivated a relationship with God.

It was a good change.

I also heard Sunday—new levels bring new devils.

TRUTH!

I went from a very religious spirit of works to a visible relationship led by the Holy Spirit.

The devil didn’t like that!

I went from laying my hands on my husband to being intimidated to even pray.

That’s the devil!

He wants to keep me in the hidden shame but the Lord is all about exposing it.

And as He exposes it, I have to give it to Him. I have to focus on how God wants to use what the enemy meant to destroy me to grow me...to change me for the better.

Won’t God do that?!?

Of course He will.

So I’ll say it one more time...conviction is not meant to shame us but change us.

Jesus said it best when He asked...who loves Me more? The one who has been forgiven more.

So come...embrace the change with us.

God has a new thing to do in you!