I Asked My Husband to Leave...Again!

I asked my husband to leave...again.

So this morning I had to humble myself, go find my husband, apologize, and invite him back home.

If I told you why I asked him to leave...you’d probably roll your eyes and say—really Sarah?!?

There are legit reasons I have the fears and issues that I do.

At 18, right out of high school, I went into a relationship with a 30 something drug addict who lied.

Maybe he loved me, maybe not...either way it wasn’t healthy.

At 23, desperate to be married with children, I went into a 15 year marriage with someone I really didn’t know. He made me a mom of four but our marriage was full of betrayal and lies.

At 39, crushed after divorce, I left one toxic marriage only to quickly enter another toxic marriage full of addiction, abuse, and more lies.

I believed that God would turn it all around...but God didn’t. It was a Thursday I came to his house, finding him drunk in the garden, so I left, never to return.

Now 43, married to my third husband, I struggle with trusting our marriage could actually be healthy.

I spent years fighting, warring, believing for healing in my other three relationships, so strong in my faith, and now here I am with a sabotaging spirit just waiting...waiting for him to leave, cheat, relapse, or lie.

A friend asked:

“Why are you choosing broken people? Is it because you feel like you can fix them or because you are so blinded by wanting to serve God with them that you don’t take the time to try the Holy Spirit. Sometimes what seems to be a great idea instead is only that—an idea not the perfect will of God.”

In the past I did choose broken people, but here’s the thing...my husband doesn’t need fixing.

Sure he’s flesh through and through and has his own struggles that keeps him seeking God, but at the end of the day he’s solid as a rock for me and my children.

I’m the broken one.

I don’t want to stay broken...I want to move forward.

God has spoke 5 things to me over the past few weeks that I’m to do:

1.) Stop complaining.

2.) Let go of regrets.

3.) Let go of fear.

4.) Stop believing the lies.

5.) Follow Me (God), not your heart.

Is it really that simple? I believe so!

But I have a choice. 

Obey his instructions and move forward into victory or don’t and destruct.

We all have a choice...choose wisely.